


These Dreams of You

by LadyOxymoron



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 17:26:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOxymoron/pseuds/LadyOxymoron
Summary: Alec thought he had his whole life figured out: be a good soldier, marry a nice woman, honor his family name.Until a mysterious stranger started to haunt his dreams.





	These Dreams of You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is set in canon (season 1) but it diverges from it. It's an alternate meeting sort of fic, if you want.  
> Little warning: there's mention of Alec's infatuation with Jace at the beginning but there is not any romantic involvement. Also, this takes place during the course of several months. Screw the show timeline. :)

Alec felt a pang of jealousy twist his heart as he watched Jace flirt with the red-headed mundane who had just ruined their plans. Izzy had given them the advantage and they had had the upper hand, until that annoying girl had turned up and _warned_ the demon, tipping it off and almost ruining the whole mission. He had been distracted while fighting the other demons. His eyes had kept wandering to Jace and, when he had seen his parabatai’s eyes light up as the redhead had somehow managed to use the Seraph blade, he had been so upset that the demon had almost killed him.

Jace had never looked at him like that, with that kind of awe in his eyes. Alec felt the walls of the room closing in and he knew he had to get out of there before saying something stupid. He turned around and stepped out of the room, wincing at the loud music blaring from the speakers. He made his way through the mass of sweaty people, unaware mundanes and downworlders dancing all around him as they didn’t have a care in the world. God, how he hated clubs.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the man in his path until it was too late. Alec had just the time to see the man’s eyes flash briefly yellow before slamming straight into him, both of them staggering and almost crashing on the ground. He raised his head, ready to apologize, only to freeze as his eyes landed on the man- _no_ , warlock in front of him.

The warlock was gorgeous. He was tall and slender but Alec could see the strong build of his body under the expensive-looking clothing he was wearing. The burgundy shirt hugged his chest tightly, following the sensual line of his hips and disappearing under the skin-tight black leather pants. Alec felt the heat of a blush creep on his cheeks and raised his eyes up to the warlock’s face, only to wish he hadn’t. If the warlock’s body was gorgeous, his face was breathtaking.

Striking features were enhanced by artfully applied make-up. Alec had never been one for make-up but as he stared at the man’s highlighted cheeks, his dark-lined eyes, the black eyeshadow on his eyelids, he started to see its appeal.

The apology he had been meaning to voice was stuck in his throat, mouth suddenly gone dry.

The warlock gave him a deliberate once over, a seductive smile playing on his lips. “Who are _you_?” Was almost purred in a flirting, teasing tone.

Alec felt his blush deepen and he was grateful for the dim light inside of the club. “I- Sorry,” he stammered, cursing himself for the lack of eloquence.

The warlock lifted up one elegant eyebrow and chuckled. “Oh, no problem, darling,” he said, reaching over to straighten the lapels of Alec’s jacket.

Alec felt warm fingers brush over his collarbone and reeled from the electric jolt he felt at the touch. Apparently, the warlock had felt it too. He looked at his own hand with wide eyes, then at the expanse of skin he had just touched. Alec watched in fascination as he frowned, shook his head, and shrugged, dismissing the matter.

As the man smiled at him again, Alec was hit with the sudden urge to flee. He licked his lips and managed to find his voice. “I- I should go.” He sent the warlock one more apologetic look and walked away, feeling his gaze burning on his back until he stepped out of the club.

* * *

 

Alec closed the door of his room with a bang, cursing under his breath on the way in. Dinner had been dreadful. Jace hadn’t shut up about the mundane girl for one minute and Izzy had been sending worried glances his way through the whole meal. Alec had never been so relieved to retire to his room for the evening.

He sighed, grabbed a fresh set of night clothes and made his way to the adjoined bathroom. He seriously hoped a shower would help calm his nerves because he felt like smashing everything to pieces, consequences be damned.

The shower helped. The water had soothed his stiff muscles, washing away some of the tension he had been experiencing and now Alec was laying down on his bed, book clasped between his fingers, enjoying the story. Reading mundane literature was a guilty pleasure of his. Alone in his room, at night, he could slip inside other realities, he could get to live in fantastic worlds, he could live through other characters. He could pretend to be someone else for just a little while.

The story was good but Alec was bone-deep exhausted and his eyelids felt so heavy, it was like invisible strings were pulling them close every few seconds. When he realized he had read the same sentence three times without understanding a single word, he decided it was time to close the book and rest. He placed the book over his nightstand and let his head fall on the pillow. It didn’t take long for sleep to claim him.

Alec found himself in the dark, senses heightened to perceive eventual dangers lurking in the blackness all around him. He squinted until his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he was able to make out the outline of the room he was trapped in. His eyes caught a glimpse to the side and he spun around, only to realize it was the reflection of a mirror. He let his eyes wander around himself, making out the outline of a bed placed against the wall, in the middle of the room. There was a small desk to the side, what looked like a wooden chair in front of it. The rest of the room was empty.

Alec frowned. He remembered clearly going to bed and falling asleep but he had no recollection of waking up. He relaxed when he realized it had to be a dream. He had no idea how he knew, but suddenly he was certain about it. He could still feel some lingering unease but he shrugged it off, thinking that nothing could harm him within the confines of his own mind. Apparently, his tiredness had been transferred to his subconscious, considering his mind had conjured up a bedroom. He snorted and made his way to the bed. If he was going to be stuck there, he could as well lie down and rest.

When he managed to reach the bed and lie down, he was glad to notice that it was surprisingly comfortable. It was much bigger than his own bed at the Institute and it was softer. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting sleep claim him from the second time in less than twenty minutes.

He was startled to wakefulness by a loud crack and he bolted upright, cursing loudly as his head banged on the hard edge of what seemed like a shelf above the bed. “Fuck.”

He heard a huffed laugh coming from the side and his head spun around toward the sound, heart hammering wildly inside his ribcage. He blinked a few times, until his eyes adjusted again to the darkness, enough to make out the figure of a man standing a few feet from the bed.

The man’s shoulders were shaking with mirth and Alec felt a spark of annoyance at the thought that the man was having fun at his expenses. He let out a snort. It seemed like even the figments of his own imaginations were set on making him miserable. Go figure.

He cleared his throat. “Hey,” he said. “That’s not funny. Who are you anyway?”

The man’s laughter died down to a low chuckle, then Alec saw blue sparks coming from what he supposed were his hands. Suddenly, a warm glow lighted up the whole room. “That’s better,” the man said, stepping forward.

He was wearing dark purple silk pajamas, the top unbuttoned to mid-chest, hair falling softly over his forehead. His face was devoid of any make-up but Alec would have recognized him anywhere. It was the warlock from the club.

Alec rubbed his face with a groan. Trust his own subconscious to deliver to him a gorgeous warlock in a bedroom.

The warlock approached him with a huge smile. “Oh, hello, gorgeous,” he said. “I don’t believe we have been formally introduced.” He extended his hand. “I’m Magnus.”

Alec felt his cheeks warm up but he grabbed the hand in front of him in a firm shake. It was his own dream, he could as well play it along. “Alec.” He didn’t even regret the smile he could feel forming on his own face.

“Wonderful.” Magnus shook his hand for a few seconds, then let it go with a flourish. “Tell me, Alec. Do you have any idea about how I have ended up here? Not that I’m complaining, mind you,” he said with a wink.

Alec shrugged. “I’m dreaming,” he said simply. “You are just a figment of my imagination.”

Magnus let out a startled laugh. “A figment, am I? I must have made an impression.” He sauntered toward the other end of the bed and plopped down gracefully. “Well then. I suppose I’ll have to research this further.” He fluffed up his pillow and laid down. “In the meanwhile, we should rest. Unless…” He turned toward Alec with a smirk. “Did you have some more pleasurable activities in mind?”

Alec choked on his own saliva. “What?” He hissed. “Why would you say that? No, I- Wait, are you going to sleep _here_?”

Magnus looked pointedly around the room, then back at Alec. “Well, yes. I’ll have you know I don’t fancy sleeping on the floor and this bed is big enough to accommodate the both of us.” He sighed and plopped back down on the pillow. “Don’t worry Shadowhunter, I don’t bite.” A small pause. “Unless you’d ask nicely, of course.”

The thought of Magnus’ teeth nibbling at his flesh was so enticing that he had to suppress a shiver. “Whatever,” he said, too tired to argue with his own subconscious. “Suit yourself.” With that he turned his back to Magnus and tried to get into a comfortable position.

He heard a sigh and a rustle, then silence fell in the room. Alec allowed himself to relax a little, unconsciously focusing on Magnus’ breathing. It was soothing, Alec realized. He was so used to sleep on his own that he thought he couldn’t possibly be able to sleep with another man in the same bed, and a very attractive man at that. But this was his dream, wasn’t it? He could do what he wanted without consequences. So he focused on Magnus’ breathing and it didn’t take him long to fall asleep again. The third time was the charm and Alec slept soundly for the rest of the night.

 

Alec woke up in his own bed, the light filtering through the window casting a soft glow in the room. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up slowly, thinking about his weird dream. It had been…nice, Alec realized. None of his usual nightmares had troubled his sleep and he felt more rested that he had been in ages.

He got up with a smile, ready to face the day.

 

* * *

 

Alec dropped on the bed with a heavy sigh. Ever since Clary Fray had barged into their lives, he had been on edge all the time. He had to watch as she slowly became the center of Jace’s attention. His parabatai spent every free minute with her, fighting Alec over everything, going as far as breaking Clave regulations and go on unsanctioned missions for her sake. That day at been the last straw. They had to barge into the Hotel DuMort to save the annoying mundane boy from the vampires, breaking several rules and risking their own necks in the process. Alec had considered refusing but in the end he had caved in. He had never been good at resisting Jace’s pleading eyes.

That didn’t mean he had been happy. He could still feel frustration buzzing under his skin. He turned on his side and sighed again, hoping to fall asleep as soon as possible. He couldn’t wait to slip into his subconscious. To Magnus.

He had been having the same dream every night during the last two weeks. He supposed he should have been worried. He didn’t think it was a normal occurrence. On the other hand, he had started to look forward to Magnus’ company. The first few days had been as awkward as the first one but slowly they had started to chat more. He complimented his own subconscious for a job well done. His Dream Magnus was witty, considerate, funny. He was easy to talk to and he always listened to what Alec had to say, interrupting at the right moments and humming in encouragement when Alec had trouble finding the right words.

Alec often marveled at how easy it was becoming to open up to the other man. They would talk about everything, laugh, share stories. He had never felt this kind of companionship with anybody else before. Sure, he had Izzy but she was his little sister. There was only so much he could talk about with her. And Jace, well. Jace was his parabatai but he had been harboring feelings for him ever since their parents had taken him in. It wasn’t like he could be open with Jace, not when doing so meant risking to expose himself.

Alec had never been good with words but Magnus made everything easier. Alec supposed that there was no harm in confiding in him, not when he was a figment of his own imagination. It was like talking to himself. Well, to a figment of himself with a good fashion sense and a better vocabulary. He often wondered how his mind had managed to conjure up that perfect mix of sarcasm and warmth. The good looks didn’t hurt but Alec couldn’t take the merit for them since his mind had borrowed them from the real Magnus.

Once in a while, Alec wondered about the real Magnus. Was he as funny? Was he as easygoing? Alec somehow doubted it. His Magnus kept telling him that _he_ was the real deal but Alec just shrugged and smiled fondly.

Before he knew it, he was asleep and in the room with Magnus, who turned toward him with a huge smile. “Alexander! It’s later than usual,” he said. “I feared you wouldn’t come tonight.” Then he seemed to notice the fatigue on Alec’s face. “Is everything okay, darling?”

Alec rolled his eyes at the endearment but smiled back. “Yeah, I- long day.”

Magnus hummed. “Want to talk about it?”

Did he? Actually, he could use a friendly ear. He started to talk, pausing only to take deep breaths. Everything came rushing out of him, like water from a broken jug, a sliver of stress leaving his body with every word. “It’s all that girl’s fault,” he finished.

Magnus looked at him with a pensive expression. “You have feelings for him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said, the lie coming easily to his mouth.

“I know you, Alec.” Magnus’ smile was sad. “What are you worried about? I’m just a figment, right? I won’t be able to tell anyone.”

Alec hesitated, then sighed. Magnus was right, there was no point in hiding the truth from himself. “I- Yes,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Oh, Alec.” Magnus’ voice was very kind. “Don’t sell yourself short. Someday you will find someone who will love you back, just trust me.”

Alec snorted, thinking about his social obligations. “No, I won’t,” he said. “But let’s stop talking about me. How was your day?” He supposed it was really stupid asking that to an imaginary person but within their dream bubble, Magnus felt so real.

Magnus studied him for a few, long seconds and Alec thought he was considering whether addressing his statement or not. In the end, Magnus sighed and launched in a colorful tale of clients, werewolves, and glitter mishaps.

Alec drank avidly in Magnus’ voice, thinking that he could easily get used to hear it every night.

 

* * *

 

“He knows.”

“Who knows, darling?” Magnus asked, looking at him with a concerned face. “And what does he know?”

Alec sighed. “Jace.”

“Oh.” Magnus reached out and grabbed Alec’s hand between both of his own. “And how did that happen?”

“Clary.” The name felt like poison on his tongue. “I- We hired a warlock to retrieve her memories. He summoned a memory demon. It demanded a memory of the people we love the most from each of us. He saw. They all did,” he said. “I screwed up.”

“Listen to me.” Magnus’ voice was very serious. “ _You_ did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault you have feelings for him.”

“It’s not that easy.” Alec said, trying to suppress the trembling of his voice. “I panicked and broke the circle. He could have died.”

“Oh, Alexander.” Magnus opened his arms wide. “Come here.”

It should have been surprising how easily Alec threw himself into Magnus’ arms. It was the first time they were so close and it should have been awkward. But as Alec felt Magnus’ arms wrapping around him, he felt like breathing was a little easier.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec dropped on the soft bed with a sigh, then turned toward Magnus. “He threw my feelings for him in my face today.”

Magnus grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to be,” he said, voice firm. “It made me realize I don’t feel anything for him anymore.”

“Is that so?”

“I-“ He rubbed his face. “Yeah. I’m not sure I was in love with him in the first place. I mean, I think I was infatuated with the idea of him, with what he represented. Does it make sense?”

Magnus’ smile was kind, concerned. “It does.” He squeezed Alec’s hand harder.

 

* * *

 

 

They were curled on the bed together. A month had gone by and Alec had gotten used to the feeling of Magnus’ arms around him, of the feeling of his body between his own arms. It had started with a few comforting hugs when one of them had had a bad day but soon it had become routine. They just lay together, talking in hushed tones, comforting each other until sleep claimed them.

Alec should have been worried. He knew he should have talked to someone about those dreams but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. His nights with Magnus had become the highlights of his day. He couldn’t even bring himself to care about how pathetic that was, how he looked forward to the company of an imaginary person. He just knew that he couldn’t bear to let the dreams go.

Slowly Magnus had started to creep out of their little dream bubble up to the point that Alec could feel him everywhere. He had slowly bled into every aspect of Alec’s life. He could see his soft eyes every time he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he could hear Magnus’ laugh whenever someone made a joke, he could feel a strong hand over his shoulder whenever he felt like everything else was crumbling to pieces. On some level he was aware it was unhealthy but he just couldn’t bring himself to give up the only source of happiness of his life.

So Alec had kept silent.

He was brought out of his musing by Magnus’ inquisitive tone. “Uh,” Alec said. “Did you say something?”

Magnus chuckled and Alec smiled as he felt the low rumble of his chest. “I asked if you would mind if I redecorated.” He let out an overdramatic sigh. “This place looks so dreary.”

Alec let out a startled laugh. “Seriously, Magnus?”

“I don’t see why not,” he countered, voice amused. “We are stuck here. The least we can do is liven up the room a little, add a touch of color.”

Alec lifted his head up to look at Magnus. The pout was adorable but in the end, what made Alec cave in were Magnus’ pleading eyes. “What the hell? Go ahead.”

“Marvelous!” Magnus beamed, his whole face lighting up and Alec thought he had never seen something more beautiful.

Magnus seemed lost in thought for a few seconds, then snapped his fingers.

Alec blinked as he took in the new aspect of the room: The white of the walls was replaced by a rich brick color, enhanced by colorful paintings; A large fireplace had appeared on the other side of the room, fire crackling merrily and casting a warm glow all around them; A comfy-looking armchair stood a little to the side of the fireplace, a bookshelf loaded with books just behind it; What looked like a soft rug was placed between the armchair and the fireplace and Alec’s mind conjured images of just laying there and reading; Golden silk sheets replaced the plain, white cotton ones on the bed.

It was so very _Magnus_ that he smiled fondly. “Wow.”

“Much better, isn’t it?” Magnus sounded very pleased with himself.

Alec let out a low chuckle. “It’s nice.”

“You wound me!” Magnus brought a hand dramatically to his chest. “Just _nice_?” he asked. “I’m losing my touch.”

“Shut up,” Alec said with a huge smile. “You know it’s great. There’s no need for me to boost your ego.”

Magnus laughed brightly at that. “Oh, darling,” he chirped. “Have you met me? I’m afraid it’s too late. My ego couldn’t get bigger.”

Magnus looked so smug, so confident, so _beautiful_. His lips were still stretched in a smug smile and Alec did the only reasonable thing he could think of to wipe it off. He leaned over and kissed him.

Magnus went still but when Alec started to pull back in shame, he made a little sound in the back of his throat and kissed him back, lips soft and pliant against his own and it was the most beautiful and intimate thing Alec had ever experienced.

They pulled back and stared in each other’s eyes for a few seconds, then their mouths crashed together again. The kiss was less hesitant, more intense. Magnus’ tongue brushed against his bottom lip and Alec’s lips parted, letting him in, needing him in, wanting nothing more than giving in and enjoy the moment.

When they pulled back for the second time, Alec was breathing hard, a pleasant tingle on his lips. “Magnus, that was-“

“If you are going to say _nice_ , I’m going to kill you and feed you to my cat,” Magnus interrupted, voice as breathless as Alec’s.

That ripped a laugh out of Alec. “Nice wasn’t the first word that came to mind,” he said, shoulder shaking with mirth. “I didn’t expect kissing someone could feel that good.”

Magnus’ eyes went wide. “Alexander,” he breathed. “Are you telling me this was your first kiss?”

Alec felt a little self-conscious, embarrassment starting to creep in. “Uhm.” He licked his lips. “Yeah. I hope it wasn’t so bad.”

“Nonsense, darling.” Magnus waved his hand in dismissal. “That was extraordinary. I was just surprised, is all.” He brushed his thumb over Alec’s cheekbone. “In fact, I’ll be more than glad to help you practice.”

Alec could do nothing to stop his lips from stretching into a smile. “I’d love that,” he said, shifting closer to Magnus.

It was all the encouragement Magnus needed, apparently. Before Alec knew it, Magnus’ lips were over his own again and Alec lost all cognitive thought once more.

 

When Alec woke up alone in his own bed the next morning, he could swear his lips were still tingling.

 

* * *

 

 

“I think I’ve figured it out!”

Alec was sprawled on the rug in front of the fireplace, a book in hand, so engrossed in the story that he didn’t notice Magnus’ arrival. His voice made him jump. “What?”

“I said, Alexander,” Magnus said, walking toward him. “That I think I’ve figured this out.” He waved a hand between the two of them.

Alec frowned. “Magnus you are making no sense. What did you figure out?”

“This,” Magnus answered, waving his hand again. “Surely you didn’t think it was normal to have the same dream every night?”

If you asked Alec, there was nothing to figure out. For some weird reason, he kept finding himself in the same dream sequence over and over. In truth, he didn’t want to dig into it too deeply. Another week had gone by and their relationship had changed. Since that first kiss, many more had followed and Alec was happy for the first time since he could remember. He wasn’t going to question it.

He shrugged. “Why not?”

Magnus shook his head fondly. “Alexander,” he said, crouching down and placing a small kiss on Alec’s lips. “Even you can’t be that clueless.”

“Hey,” Alec retorted. “I’m not clueless. It’s just… why question it?”

“Because, darling,” Magnus said softly. “We can’t keep hiding here and pretend this is not real.”

“But it isn’t.” Hurt flashed briefly over Magnus’ features at that. “This is not real, Magnus.”

“While you keep saying yourself that,” Magnus said. “I’ll keep researching.”

The spark of annoyance Alec had started to feel at the beginning of the sentence, muted in curiosity. There was nothing wrong with humoring Magnus, was it? “Fine,” he conceded. “What have you found out?”

“Not much,” Magnus admitted with a small smile, apparently pleased with Alec’s cooperation. “Remember that first time we met in Pandemonium? The sparks when I touched you? I believe that was my magic reaching out to you, linking us together in some way. I’m confident I can find a way to stop it.”

Alec felt a tendril of panic starting to spread inside of his chest. “Why would you do that?”

Magnus’ chuckle sounded a little bitter. “What difference does it make? This is not real, you just said that.”

“Can we not do this again?” Alec asked, the frustration he felt creeping into his voice. “I’ve had a long day. I don’t feel like having an argument within my own subconscious.” He tried to soften his voice. “Just, kiss me?”

Magnus studied his face for a few, long seconds then his eyes softened. “As you wish, darling,” he said, shifting closer to Alec. “I can never resist those puppy eyes of yours.”

 _Puppy eyes?_ Alec’s retort was swallowed by Magnus’ lips. The indignation was forgotten as he lost himself in the kiss.

 

* * *

 

 

“Izzy knows about the dreams.”

Magnus raised his gaze from the spellbook he was holding, eyebrow cocked up. “And?”

“She said this can’t be normal. She’s worried,” Alec admitted.

“Your sister sounds like a wise woman,” Magnus said with a low chuckle.

Alec just shrugged. “How was your day?”

 

* * *

 

With the passing of the time, their kisses started to get deeper, more passionate. Their touches started to get more intimate.

When Magnus’ hand closed around his cock for the first time, it felt like coming home. The orgasm rocked his world and left him shaking for a few moments.

 

* * *

 

 

“Just like that, darling,” Magnus murmured, flashing him an encouraging smile. The smile was wiped away by a loud gasp as Alec started to move his hand tentatively.

Alec focused on the feeling of Magnus’ cock under his fingers, hot, hard flesh but soft skin, throbbing under his touch. He tried another tentative stroke and watched mesmerized as Magnus’ face twisted in pleasure.

“Alexander.” Magnus’ voice sent a thrill of excitement along his spine.

Alec had never heard his name breathed like that. It was empowering, he thought. Magnus’ obvious pleasure emboldened him and his grip became steadier, the strokes more deliberate with every moan and gasp coming out of Magnus’ mouth.

When Magnus came all over his hand with a muffled scream, Alec felt like he was finally enough.

 

* * *

 

 

“Sometimes I feel like I’m damaged,” Alec confessed in the darkness of their room, a few days later.

“Oh, darling,” Magnus whispered. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You are perfect.”

And as Magnus’ arms closed around him, Alec could almost believe it. Breathing was easier.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec moaned, head thrown back, fingers twisting around the sheets. Magnus had been teasing him with his mouth for what had to have been hours. Every slow brush of Magnus’ tongue over his torso had send sparks running through his spine and now, with Magnus’ cheek pressed against his inner thigh like that, he couldn’t think straight.

They had slowly started to experiment in bed and Alec had lost count of the times Magnus’ hands had brought him over the edge. It was different now. It was new ground. Alec was sure he was about to experience his first blow job and desire was threatening to consume him whole.

“Please,” he breathed.

“Please, what?” Magnus licked a blazing stripe across his inner thigh.

“I- “ Alec tried to focus. “You know.”

When Magnus chuckled, the hot breath against his skin made Alec shiver. “How would I know if you won’t tell me?”

Was Magnus really going to make him say it out loud? Alec cursed his own subconscious. “Come on, Magnus,” he said. “Please.”

“Do you want me to suck your cock, Alexander?” Magnus asked, voice rough, low. “Do you want to feel my mouth on you?”

“God, Magnus,” Alec panted. “Stop it.”

Magnus chuckled again, a low, warm sound that seemed to reverberate inside Alec’s own chest. “Oh, darling. You are adorable.” He brushed his fingers along the line of his hip. “No need to be ashamed,” he murmured against Alec’s skin. “Say it, Alexander.”

 _What the hell?_ Alec thought. He was in his own mind, it wasn’t like there was a reason to be ashamed. “Suck my cock.”

Magnus’ sharp intake of breath felt like a reward. “See? It wasn’t so hard now, was it?” he said, placing both of his hands against Alec’s thighs. “Spread them for me.”

Anticipation sent a shiver through every cell of his body. The speed at which he obeyed the order should have been embarrassing but by then Alec couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when he was seconds from feeling Magnus’ mouth on his cock.

The first slow drag of Magnus’ tongue was enough to almost unmake him. When he felt Magnus’ mouth closing around his cock, every coherent thought left him.

 

“Oh God, oh God,” he chanted. The wet heat around his cock was sending him in a spiral of lust-induced madness. “God, Magnus. I – _ah_ – never…”

Magnus hummed around his cock and Alec’s last coherent thought was that he was going to embarrass himself and come only from the vibrations reverberating from his cock through his body.

Magnus spent a long time teasing him and when the orgasm hit him, his back arched under its intensity. Magnus’ tongue as he licked him clean, seemed to burn over his sensitized skin.

 

* * *

 

 

“Alexander!” Magnus’ smile dimmed as he took in the expression on his face. “What is it, darling?”

Alec walked toward the bed, sat down, and buried his face in his hands. “My parents want me to marry.”

Since hung in the air for a few, long seconds, then Alec heard Magnus’ steps and felt the mattress dip beside him. Magnus’ arms around his shoulders felt like a lifeline. “You know you don’t have to do that, don’t you?”

“I’m a Shadowhunter,” he said, leaning against Magnus’ solid chest. “I knew this day would come. I knew what was expected of me.”

“Expected?” Magnus said, brushing away a lock of hair from Alec’s forehead. “What about your happiness?”

“That’s what Izzy said,” Alec admitted. “But I have a duty to fulfill.”

“The way I see it, the only duty you have to fulfill is being true to yourself.” Magnus smoothed a lock of hair from his forehead and by the Angel, the touch felt so comforting. “This isn’t who you are, Alec.”

Alec sighed heavily. He didn’t need another lecture about happiness. He just needed to forget everything for a little longer. “Forget about it.” He turned around and pecked Magnus’ lips. “Just… make me feel better?”

Magnus was silent for a long time, his eyes troubled. The silence was so thick it could be sliced, until Magnus broke it with a soft sigh. “As you wish, my dear.”

After that Alec lost himself in sensation. He focused on the feeling of Magnus’s hands over his body, on the feeling of Magnus’ tongue sliding on his skin, on the feeling of the hot mouth around his cock. Everything else was forgotten.

Just for another night.

 

* * *

 

 

“You don’t have to do this.” Magnus’s breath was coming out in harsh bursts, his voice was shaking. “I mean – _ah_ – if you are not ready.”

Wasn’t he? He surely had felt ready enough with Magnus’ lips wrapped around his cock. He shifted, adjusting his position between Magnus’ legs.  “I know I don’t have to do it,” he said, licking his lips and pumping Magnus’ cock once more, eliciting another sharp intake of breath. “I want to.”

He didn’t give Magnus the time to answer. He leaned over and flicked tentatively his tongue over the tip of the cock grasped firmly in his hand. Magnus went very still as he was expecting Alec to reel back. He gave another tentative lick instead, drawing a small, whimpering sound from Magnus’ lips. It was heady thinking that he was the one responsible for it, that he had such an effect on Magnus. He suddenly wanted to elicit as many as these moans and whimpers out of Magnus as possible. With that thought in mind, he wrapped slowly his lips around his cock and took it in his mouth. He swirled his tongue over the underside of Magnus’ cock, just like magnus had done with him several times, and was rewarded with a loud moan.  He hoped that his eagerness was enough to make up for what he lacked in finesse and, judging by the sounds Magnus was making, he was sure it did.

Once, Alec had felt wrong for wishing to lay with a man but when his name rolled off Magnus’ lips as he spilled his pleasure, nothing had ever felt so right.

As they lay down for the night, Magnus’ arms seemed to hold him a little tighter. “Let me keep you,” he whispered into his hair.

He shifted into the embrace and leaned his head over Magnus’ shoulder. “You already have me.”

Alec thought that Magnus’ chuckle sounded a little sad.

 

They fell asleep like that, holding each other, the silk of the sheets caressing their bodies.

When Alec woke up in his own hard bed, the harsh, practical cotton of his own sheets seemed to stifle him.

 

* * *

 

 

“I think I love you, Magnus.”

“Oh, Alexander.”

 

* * *

 

 

Alec kept fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, berating himself for his nervousness to confront a figment of his own imagination. When Magnus popped into the room, he didn’t give him the time to speak. “I proposed to Lydia.”

Magnus’ steps faltered, the smile dropping from his face. “ _The_ Lydia? The envoy from the Clave you have been complaining about for the last week?” he started walking again and sat down beside Alec. “Just to be clear, the same Lydia that had your sister almost stripped of her runes?”

Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair. “She’s not that bad,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “And it would make for a solid partnership, Magnus. We could lead the New York Institute together.”

 

“A solid partnership. That’s _hot_ .” Magnus did nothing to conceal the disapproval in his voice. “What about love, Alexander? What about what we have? Give this a chance. Give _us_ a chance.”

“There is not _us_ ,” Alec snapped, waving his hands between them for emphasis. “This isn’t real. You are not real.”

“You keep saying that. Can’t you feel it, Alexander?” Magnus raised his voice, then took a deep breath to control himself. “Can’t you feel how real this is?”

And Alec could feel it. Logic kept saying that it couldn’t be real but he could swear he felt it right into his gut. Still. “If you are as real as you say, why haven’t you come looking for me?”

Magnus looked at him straight in the eye. “Why haven’t you?”

“I-“ Alec swallowed, throat suddenly dry. “Maybe I don’t want it to be real,” he whispered.

Magnus reeled back as if Alec had hit him, then his face hardened with new resolve. “You will be alone and miserable for all of your life.”

“I won’t.” he reached out and took Magnus’ hand in his own. “I will still have this. I’ll still have you, won’t I?”

“Oh, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice was achingly soft. “It’s not that easy. Do you think I would agree to be your dirty secret? The one you fuck in the dark, in the deepest recess of your mind?”

Alec buried his face in his hands, unable to keep looking at Magnus any longer, unable to deny the truth of what Magnus was saying. The rational part of his brain told him to just let go. The last thing he needed was to war with a part of himself, as if he didn’t have to do that every single day. The reckless part of his brain, the passionate one, was a different matter altogether. His chest felt incredibly tight at the thought of losing what he had with Magnus but what choice did he have?  His life was spiraling out of control so fast his head spun when he tried to make sense of it. All he knew was that he suddenly needed to feel Magnus closer, to feel Magnus in the most intimate way. To take that step they hadn’t taken yet.

“Would you make love to me?” he blurted out.

Magnus seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds, then he exhaled slowly. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, darling.” His voice was tinged with something very similar to regret. “It will make things worse for both of us.”

The refusal stung but Alec couldn’t really blame Magnus. The regret in Magnus’ voice and the gentle hand placed over his shoulder soothed some of the sting away. He nodded jerkily. “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I-“ he took a deep calming breath. “Just hold me, then?”

“Of course,” Magnus murmured, shifting closer and guiding Alec down on the bed with him, wrapping his hands like a blanket around him.

Magnus held him in silence for a long time, running his finger through his hair, placing the occasional kiss on the top of his head. And Alec allowed himself to relax and let go of everything.

The last thought going through Alec’s head as he felt sleep starting to claim him, was that Magnus’ quiet “Goodnight, Alexander.” held an air of finality.

 

* * *

 

 

The following night, Alec wasn’t really surprised to find himself alone in the room. It didn’t hurt any less. He laid in bed for hours, eyes wide open, ears strained to hear the pop of Magnus’ materialization.

 

A restless sleep claimed him at the first light of dawn.

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, the room disappeared altogether. When he woke up in his bed after a dreamless night, something in his chest crashed and broke. Hard.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec took a deep breath and forced himself to step through the double doors. No matter how much he tried, he didn’t seem to be able to draw enough air inside of his lungs. He adjusted the bowtie that felt like a noose around his neck and started to walk.

“Alec,” Izzy’s voice came from behind.

He turned around to face her, grateful for the small reprieve. “Hey,” he said, forcing a smile that felt more like a grimace.

She grabbed his hand, holding it tight. “You don’t have to do this, big brother.”

He leveled her with a stare. “Yes, I do.”

“What about Magnus?” Her voice was soft, concerned.

The name hit him like a punch. “What about him? He’s not real, Izzy.”

“Maybe not,” she said, squeezing his hand harder. “But think about what he represents. There could be a Magnus for you out there, Alec. Hell, there could be a hundred Magnuses waiting for you.”

Alec thought that the only Magnus he wanted was not real, was never going to be real. He just smiled sadly at her and let go, forcing himself to put one foot in front of the other and head toward his fate.

His mother had told him how proud she was. It had been all Alec had ever wanted for as long as he could remember. Then why did it feel like there was a weight inside of his chest, threatening to crush his heart with every step he took toward the altar?

 

Lydia was beautiful as she walked to him. He watched her approach, ears ringing loudly, feeling everything from a distance as if he was underwater. He went through the motions expected of him in a daze, feeling like someone else was piloting his body, heart hammering wildly in his ribcage. He felt Lydia’s small hand taking his own, stele ready to draw the rune that would bind them together for life, the first tendrils of panic starting to grip his heart in a vice.

The sound of the double doors slamming open brought him out of his daze. He turned around and he stopped breathing, something warm, similar to hope making its way through the ice in his chest as he took in the sight in front of him.

Magnus stood there in silence, looking at him with that intense stare of his, eyes soft and hopeful and afraid at the same time. He looked exactly like the man in his dreams and, for the first time in months, Alec allowed himself to believe. To hope. But could he really give everything up for a dream?

 _No_ , he thought. _Not a dream_. Magnus was very much real and waiting in silence for him to make his choice. Could he dare?

Alec looked around himself. He saw the small frown on Jace’s brows, the hopeful amusement in Izzy’s eyes, the confused faces of nameless Clave members. Then his eyes landed on his parents. His father straightened up, trying to look authoritative and Alec was surprised to notice how memory could be deceiving. He had always thought of his father as this righteous, strong man who could command a whole room with a single order. Looking at him now, he saw a middle-aged man, hair fading to grey over the edges, clinging to the power of a last name. He looked at his mother’s outraged face, eyes blazing in warning, mouth pursed in disapproval.

He had always thought his parents held all the answers. He had always done whatever he could to earn their approval. Now, looking at them, all he could see where two people crushed under the weight of their own bad choices, trying to transfer that weight into his own shoulders, shoving into him the responsibility of redeeming their name.

Once, Alec would have jumped as high as they demanded of him.

 _Not anymore_ , he thought as he turned to face Magnus. Sweet, caring, _real_ Magnus who had taken the blunt of that weight off Alec’s shoulders and placed it on his own. Night after night after night. Magnus had comforted him, held him when he had thought the whole world would crash over him. Never asking for something back, never pushing.

Until now.

Now Magnus’ eyes held a question and Alec realized that finding the answer wasn’t going to be that hard, after all.

He turned toward Lydia but his voice got stuck in his throat when he saw the knowing resignation in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” was all he managed to get out.

She just nodded in understanding, eyes darting to Magnus and back to him. “It’s okay, Alec. You deserve to be happy.”

 _Happiness._ He had always thought it was something out of his reach. Not it was just a few steps away, so close he could almost taste it. He nodded at Lydia and with a last apologetic smile, he turned around and started to climb down the steps, heart threatening to hammer its was out of his ribcage, the tightening in his chest relenting with every step he took. He ignored his mother’s attempt to stop him, he ignored the low murmurs, he ignored everything and everyone else, eyes fixed on Magnus.

Magnus was still, traces of fear and uncertainty lingering in his eyes, mixed with hopeful incredulity. The range of emotions Alec saw in those eyes was the last encouragement he needed. He reached out and grabbed Magnus by the lapels of his jacket, dipping his head and bringing their lips together. The kiss was familiar and new at the same time. Intense in a way it had never been. _Real._

After weeks apart, it felt like coming home.

They pulled apart only to chase each other’s lips again, over and over. The spark in Magnus’ eyes, that quiet wonder, the hope. All of it was enough to shatter and mend Alec’s heart, reshaping it into something he could feel pulsing with what he wasn’t ashamed to recognize as love.

 

He tried to speak but it felt like something was lodged deep in his throat. Some unnamed emotion that had his throat tight and his mouth dry. He swallowed and tried again. “What do you say we get the hell out of here?” he whispered.

Magnus’ smile was bright, wide. He nodded once, magic already crackling at his fingertips, turning around to open a portal and standing to the side. Alec realized he was giving him the time to say his farewells if he wished to do so. He turned slowly around, not really surprised to realize his parents had already left the room, eyes landing on his sister who smiled widely and just mouthed “ _Go.”_

It was all the encouragement Alec needed. He turned back to Magnus with a grin, took his hand, and they both stepped through the portal.

 

They landed in what Alec thought was Magnus’ place. He vaguely registered the familiarity of his surroundings and he realized Magnus must have transfigured the room in his dreams with his loft in mind. They made their way through the living room and Alec had to suppress a frustrated little sigh when Magnus pointed toward the couch and invited him to sit down.

“This won’t take long, Alexander,” he said, sitting down beside Alec and turning to face him. “But we need to talk.”

Alec nodded, recognizing Magnus had a point. “Yeah.” He took one of Magnus’ hands between both of his own and squeezed it. “We do. How did you know…?”

“Give me some credit, darling.” Magnus’ tone was conversational but there was an underlying softness to it. “I may have taken my distance but that doesn’t mean I was ready to let you go without a fight. I have many sources. I was informed about the details of your wedding.”

“I get that.” Alec brought one oh his hands to his necktie and started to unfasten it. “But how did you know it would make a difference? How did you know I would come with you?”

“I didn’t,” Magnus answered quietly, eyes bright. “But I hoped. And as I said, I wasn’t willing to let you go without a fight. I knew what we had was real, Alexander. And I knew hat deep down you must have known it too. To be honest, I was fairly certain you would reject me but I was willing to take the risk.”

Alec’s mind reeled. If he had to be honest with himself, he had always wished to believe that the _thing_ they shared was real. The fact that Magnus had been willing to take the chance, risking to be rejected in front of the most important Clave representatives, was enough to blow his mind. Besides Izzy, and to some extent Jace, nobody had ever gone to such lengths for _him_.

Not for the first time of the day, he felt his eyes burn with emotion. “Thank you for not giving up on me.” He cleared his throat and lowered his gaze in shame. “I was going to.”

“But you didn’t.” Magnus’ voice was so soft, so gentle. His hand cupped Alec’s face, thumb stroking his cheekbone in slow circles. “And that’s all that matters.”

And for now, Alec guessed he had to live with that. He swore to himself he was going to do his best to make up for almost giving up on Magnus, on _them._ Almost ruining the only chance at happiness he’d ever had, condemning himself to a miserable life. Condemning himself to wear a different face to feel like he belonged. To pick up that mask every day from the same spot on the shelf near his toothbrush and force it over his own face until he would have gotten used to wear it, until he would have gotten so used to it to the point of not knowing how to be himself anymore. Until his true self would have become more foreign to him than the mask he wore.

He could still remember his life before falling head first in the dream world. He had been hopelessly infatuated with his parabatai, knowing he had to hide the way he felt. Knowing he could never have the thing he wanted most: being with a man. He had resigned himself to a life made out of duty and shades of grey until Magnus had barged into his life. Right when he had felt like a damaged toy nobody could possibly spare a second glance to. But Magnus had looked at him, _really_ looked at him and decided Alec was worth a second glance. And a third. A hundredth. He had decided Alec was worth his time and effort. So he had taken that toy in his hands night after night and he had started to put it together piece by piece, not caring when some fragments were sharp enough to draw blood. He had worked on that toy painstakingly, tenderly. And once he was done building it up again, he had given it back to Alec. He had given Alec’s life back to him wrapped in a big, colorful ribbon. And Alec had almost tossed it away without unwrapping it first.

Alec had spent night after night in his safe haven, basking in warm touches and gentle words, in laughter and shared moments, the white explosion of mind blowing orgasms diluting the black and gray Alec had lived so long in. He had woken up morning after morning in his room, getting off the bed, wearing once more his black clothes and his gray life. Now Magnus was in front of him and Alec had decided to unwrap his gift. To keep the ribbon.

His eyes slowly met Magnus’ warm ones. “The night I,” he swallowed and tried again. “That last night. I asked you a question and you refused. I’m gonna ask again now.”

Understanding tinged Magnus’ features. “Of course,” he said, closing the distance and placing the softest kiss on Alec’s lips. “Of course I will. I will make love to you, Alexander.”

 

***

 

Alec had imagined this moment several times. He had imagined it would happen in the intimacy of his own subconscious, late a night when his mind wandered in their little bubble and his body rested in the cold Institute bed. Right now he was there mind and body though, and nothing could have prepared him for such an intense onslaught of physical and emotional sensations.

Mouth. Kissing him, tasting him, tongue brushing over his skin in slow strokes. Wrapping around his cock, bringing him to madness, drawing the first orgasm out of him.

Hands. _Real hands_. Touching him reverently, mapping every inch of his body, leaving goosebumps and fire on their path. Stroking his cock, preparing him excruciatingly slowly, slick with lube. Making him arch and writhe, making him want so much more.

Sounds. Flesh on flesh, getting louder as the urgency grew. The spring of the bed creaking with every thrust. Moans, gasps, choked screams. Dirty words, soft murmurs, reassurances.

Heat. Unbelievable heat cursing through his veins, singing along with his blood. Burning hot and hotter, fire consuming him whole and reaching its peak with a white-hot explosion of sparks as the second orgasm wrecked him.

Pleasure. White noise. Blackness. Safety.

Magnus.

 

***

 

When Alec came to his senses after one of the most earth-shattering orgasms he had ever experienced, Magnus’ arms were still secured around him, holding him in a steady but soft grip, grounding him. He shifted closer, a contented sigh escaping his lips at the feeling.

“Now what, darling?” Magnus said, bending over to kiss his forehead. His voice was rough. It sounded hesitant, almost afraid.

“Now you get to keep me,” he replied, heart beating faster. “For as long as you want.”

“I- “ Magnus’ voice faltered with emotion. “Are you sure about it, Alec? I know you said you had feelings for me but that was when I was only a shadow lurking in your dreams. Now I’m real, I’m tangible and-“

“Magnus,” Alec interrupted, eyes meeting Magnus’, hoping to be able to convey the truth of his words. “I didn’t _have feelings_ for you. I _loved_ you. I still do.”

Magnus closed his eyes tightly, seemingly overwhelmed by emotion. “Oh, Alexander,” he whispered, eyes fluttering open and locking on Alec’s. “I love you too. So much.”

It was the first time Magnus had said it back and Alec felt like his heart was going to burst. Hearing the words coming out of Magnus’ mouth was almost too much. He didn’t think he had ever been this happy. Ever.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m planning to stick around,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “So you can show me how much.”

They had still many matters to solve, lots of things to discuss. Alec still had to face the consequences of his action, knowing he was going to have only a few supporters. They had to face the differences between their two worlds and they had to adjust to fit into each other’s life in the real world. The road ahead of them was bound to be a little bumpy.

But as Magnus claimed his mouth in a kiss that had his head spin, he thought that as long as they had each other they would made it work.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for bearing with me. I hope you enjoyed it. :)


End file.
